SECRET DIARY OF THE ONLY REAL GOD. KNEEL IN FRONT OF ME PUNY MORTALS.
I hate Thor. Stark underlined that the panty isn’t a weapon but a tool to “hold your family jewelry, because they’re too precious to be left without protection”. Asked if I could get the tessaract back to put it in the panty protection. It is after all, mine. They all collapsed again. I think they are trying to fool me. The panty seems if not lethal, at least incapacitating.
Captain of America tried to explain me what those jewelry were. He went as red as a dwarf’s fire. Servant Barton muttered something about him melting the man of Iron’s heart while blushing. Cornered him when he was napping and launched an experiment to see if he could indeed melt different elements. Was inconclusive with iron, herbs and Former slave’s Barton skirt. Anyway. Can’t even start a good fire. Could have been useful. Thought the result were positives with butter and ice cube. Tried defrosting my dinner with such a method.
I hate Thor. The son of Coul explained me this underwear thing. Tried “boxers” under my armor. It itches. Stark told me that if Thor started to wear them, it is because his “hammer” needed to be held tight, but that I should be ok without. I underlined that if Thor has a hammer, I have a SCEPTER.
I hate Thor. The Black Window was assigned as my “lokisitter”. This is highly distasteful. Switched all her knifes with sugar canes. She still killed her opponent.
I hate Thor. Am grounded at the tower. Watched “mission impossible” with Hulk. The Tom from the Cruise explained how to deactivate a bomb. Decided to cut all the red wires in the tower as a preventive measure. I am now mortal and I don’t want to explode, thank you very much.
I think the midgardians are trying to kill me. The temperature in the Tower has reached unbearable levels. This might have something to do with me cutting wires in JARVIS central unit box. Stark wants to take us to an “ice cream” shop. As a conscientious Jotun, I offered to let him taste my “iced cream”. Had to run the whole hallway to avoid Captain America’s shield.
I hate Thor. The Tower is still hot. Asked the Black Window to open a bit herself. Is seems that she is in fact named the Black Widow. Am now swimming in Banner’s fish tank to avoid her. The water is cold. Feels nice.
Accidentally changed in Jotun form and froze the fishes. Told Hulk it was Black Widow’s fault. Danger adverted in both fronts. I feel great.
I hate Thor. The Tower is still hot. Decided to definitively sleep in the fish tank. I think they hold a grudge against me. Black Widow brought me to the ice cream shop. Is arsenic a normal savor?
Threat confirmed. I think she is trying to brainwash me. This ice cream thing is delicious. Ate 10 cups of it. Now feels as if I’m going to die. I can’t stop thinking of ice cream.
I hate Thor. Tried to resist the need but failed. Ice cream…. Ate again 10 cups.
I hate Thor. Strak refused to fund what he calls my “ice cocacream addiction”. Decided to do it myself. Former servant Clint reverently gave me the recipe. I think I am winning him back by the stomach. Note to myself: think of entering a cooking contest to gather followers.
The ice cream was a success. Used the opportunity to redecorate The man of Iron’s House floor and walls with cream leftover. Banner hulked out but the Hulk spent his time licking everything. I am a genius.
I hate Thor. Went to the ice cream sanctuary again. Bribed Stark with homemade ice cream spiced up with Asguardian mead. He gave me all the gold I wanted. The selling dwarf bowed to me when I commanded her to give 15 cups. Told me I was the king of ice cream. I am pleased that they seem to now understand my royalty status.
Back at home now. Stark is dancing naked on the sofa. Thor is singing with The Widow. Banner is passed out on the floor. Servant Clint got stuck in the ceiling. Avengers defeated.
omg, i had so much fun writing this part :3 it was finished way earlier but my internet wasn’t cooperating T.T. I hope you’ll enjoy this part too!
(Source: , via fahrlight)